Friends or No Friends

Jasen and I got into a pretty deep conversation on Saturday. I begged out of the ROTC tailgate party because #1 Davis was up and down on Friday night #2 It was muddy and #3 I was tired and didn't want to go. Jasen returned in a funk because the other couples were there, sitting around enjoying themselves and Jasen felt like we are outside the group. It made me sad for him, but in my initial defense, I pointed out that we'd never been to a tailgate where we all sat down to visit. Usually, the guys are talking/drinking, kids are getting into rocks/mud/etc., and the wives are drifting in and out of conversations.

Anyway, this situation led Jasen and I to go deeper about friendships and what we are looking for here. Jasen is used to being in "the" group. It's not that we have been the most popular people at his previous duty assignments, but because of his work role or friends I've made, we've been in with the people we've really liked and wanted to be with.

At Fort Riley and here, Jasen has really wanted me to get out there and make friends immediately. He has wanted me to accept every invitation, every playdate, etc. He was going on our previous assignment, in Germany, where we were so involved, had lots of friends, and were really busy.

I can't explain it, but at Fort Riley, God gave me very clear discernment about who I should be friends with. Because of Jasen's concerns that I wasn't making friends fast enough (and not just his), I made friends with a few people I KNEW were not who I needed to be friends with. Those relationships didn't turn out, but the ones I did make, slowly became so important and valuable. I am thankful for those friends!

Now, being here in Charleston, I am feeling the same "hold back" feeling I felt before. Because Jasen watched my friends become so important in Germany (and maybe too important), he worries when I don't have friends immediately. And, he wants us to be involved in what everyone else is doing. I understand that, because it's been our modus operandi. But here, I am not feeling that need.

You know why I don't feel that need? On a small level, I feel like it's because I already have so many family/friends who I feel I neglect more often than not. I feel bad because the people I already love get slighted by me. But the most important reason I don't need to make friends, is that I have my best friend here with me. Jasen is finally here with our family with no impending deployment on the horizon. We can finally be a family of four, just enjoying each other. And for quite some time, that's all I have wanted.